I'm busy plugging away at my Master's Exam. It's coming along so slowly. Spring Term has provided a sort of relaxing hiatus from writing a lot, but it's hurting me a little now that I have to write so much in such a short time. And I just needed a break, so I decided to blog...? Yeah. Figures that I would take a break from writing to write. But it's such a different sort of writing. I feel good about this... [Mostly because it's just word vomit. Mmmm!]
Remember how I said the other day that I was feeling better about life and things? That all came crashing down on me this afternoon. It's more detail and politics than I should go into here, but things kind of took a nose-dive. Things are crazy. Things suck. Sorry for the ambiguity, but that's about all I can include here...
I wish I weren't so stressed. Does anyone know a cure? Like...how can I stop caring so much about things that don't matter? I wan't to be a good person, and I want to feel validated in my talents and abilities. But sometimes I'm left to wonder, who really cares?? Mostly with my schoolwork. I want to do my best, but for whom? For myself? I guess, kind of. Because I know if I don't do my best I'll be disappointed in myself. But who else cares, really? Like, why can't I let myself be mediocre and be totally OKAY with that? I feel like my inner obsessive overachiever is causing me undue stress and, therefore, is negatively affecting areas of my life that shouldn't be affected. I don't know. I need to stop thinking. [And sleep. It is 3 am, after all.] [A time when everybody and their mom's dog should be fast asleep and enjoying dreamland...] [Speaking of dreams, what does dreaming about teeth mean? Isn't it something to do with stress? I've had two dreams in the past week about teeth. In one, my teeth were crumbling and falling out, and I couldn't do anything to stop them... It was painful and disgusting. In the second dream, I had to go get my wisdom teeth removed again. But they could only find one (go figure!). I had four gaping holes in the back of my mouth where the doctors had dug around trying to find my wisdom teeth... Also a painful and disgusting dream. Left me feeling quite unsettled.] [I also had a dream about a colon cancer epidemic - apparently it was highly contagious, and one of the most telling symptoms was that your mouth tasted like grapes. Who knew?]
Anyway.... Sorry to sound like such a Debbie Downer. Life really is pretty good, aside from the few crazy stressors. But in one of the papers I was reading tonight it said something along the lines of "Growth comes only from challenges to the body or mind." So... if I'm being challenged, then there's the potential for growth, right? That's always a good thing, yes? Growing and learning and improving? I think so.
I go home in 11 days. Halle-freakin'-lujah! I can't wait to see my family and give them all big hugs. And relax! :)
Now, back to my papers, and hopefully some sleep... wish me luck!