I've been fairly overwhelmed lately. Schoolwork has been piling up, and it all just kind of exploded in my face earlier this week. On top of that, I've spent some time with some GREAT friends, and we've had some good, deep conversations about life. Which, you know, only served to have some deep thoughts and emotions surface. Like the fact that I'm graduating in 5.5 months and I have NO idea what I'm doing afterward. You know, no biggie. Ha! And I do realize that graduation isn't the end of the world - far from it, actually. But, honestly, I get so involved and so rooted in my schoolwork that I won't know what to do with myself when I'm expected to be even more responsible. Yikes.
BUT, I ran into a professor (whom I greatly respect and admire) yesterday. She told me, quite convincingly, that she'd really like to see me go to graduate school. It's been a thought I've been entertaining for a while now. The prospect of more school, however, makes me want to throw up a little bit in my mouth. I think it's probably the burn-out talking, and I know grad school will be new and different and a great experience - yadda, yadda, yadda-, but right now I don't know if I can stomach it. As far as other options go, I could always teach here in Utah. I could get a job at a local school, and stay in the area (I know Zac and Sarah are big fans of any plan that keeps me close...) with friends, family, and an abundance of single guys (Ha!). I could move back to New York and teach there (but the qualifications for licensure are a little more stringent there, so I'd have to jump through a few more hoops, take a few more tests, and be working on my Master's), though that option just doesn't feel right to me. I've also entertained the idea of going on a mission, but that doesn't quite feel right either. Hmm... I've got faith that it will all work out in the end, but right now my "natural man" is screaming at me to get my rear in gear and figure out my life and just go for it despite my other feelings.
I have to teach a lesson in my History of Math class tomorrow. And Saturday morning I have to take a big fatty math teaching licensing and certification test. It's four hours long, and starts at 7:30 in the morning. On a Saturday. That, my friends, is disgusting. Anyway, wish me luck! Put in a good word for me with the Man Upstairs...
In other news, I had to use brown chalk in my lab (I freaking LOVE my job. Seriously.) earlier today because it was the only chalk in the room. Brown chalk = dirty fingers = sicknasty.
3 comments:
You're at an Awesome time in your life. Just Embrace it and Have Fun doing your best for where you are now.
Don't worry - Be Happy.
Next Spring you'll figure it out. You'll know the answer when it comes, right now you need to be patient. There is something for you to learn here. And in the Spring you'll know just what to do. The answer will come and it will feel right and bring peace. Just think how blessed you are to have so many options to choose from. What a great gift Heavenly Father has given you.
Love you girl - Don't know what I did to deserve YOU!
Hey Savannah,
I just thought I'd put my 2 cents in since I'm the girl who spent all last year in absolute doubt and confusion (and still do it seems). As I was reading this I remembered how I was feeling. I have to say that if you think Grad School is even a possibility- apply now. That doesn't mean you have to accept, but if you don't apply you won't have that option. (And speaking from experience, Grad School is awesome!). But truthfully, Heavenly Father does have a plan for you, so just take everything in stride, prepare for whatever happens, and enjoy it. Pretty much the answer always comes when you least expect it. Not to add more options, but what about moving somewhere else in Utah? You could still be close to Provo, but get the experience of living somewhere different. I don't know. Anyway, I hope you're doing great! Don't forget about me : ) And call if you ever want to talk.
giiiiirl...i remember all too well being in the same exact position. just for the record, grad school is elevendy billion times better than undergraduate school. i LOVED my grad school classes. i took a year off after i graduated from BYU and just worked before i went, though. so it could have been that the "burn out" of which you speak had melted away! if i may share a personal experience...the fall before i met mathieu i was teaching in Greece (the town not the country) and i felt really strongly that i should apply to the University of Rochester for their Doctorate of Education program. the thought came to me over and over again. so i went to the information meetings, applied, and had my entire life planned out. i was going to change the world! my 2 interviews to get into the program went perfectly and i was SURE i was going to get in. then i met mathieu and fell completely in love with him. THEN i got my denial letter from the U of R! amen to what your mom and kelsey said: the Lord will let you know. you have options, so take the steps to make those options a little more concrete. missions are the bomb, grad school is the bomb, moving to NY is the bomb, and staying in UT to teach is the bomb!
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